OK - I was talking pet peeves with a gooood friend of mine yesterday and I really couldn't think of too many of them that I have... However, Today, In WALMART - I realized what my biggest pet peeve is...

 

The SPEEDY F*ING CHECKOUT IS NEVER F*ING SPEEDY!!!

The logic behind this is amazing to me, walmart has  regular check out lines, 20 items or less lines and 10 items or less speedy check out lines...

At least at my Walmart- oh and no self check out lines, god for bid it would actually take 10 mins to get in and out of walmart with a few things....

Anyways...

What walmart must do is evaluate all of their checkers, figure out who the weakest link is and put them on the speedy check out... Why? because each person theoretically only has 10 items... We all know this is never how it really is....... eh, you can squeeze through with maybe 30 items.. I mean have you ever really seen a checker turn anyone away who had more then 10? Ok, lets compound this fun fact with my original point - the F*ING checkers in the speedy checkout are always the most mentally incapacitated of checkers. Maybe they can handle 10 items... maybe they can't. It's their last stop before they are bumped back to the electronics department where no one knows anything at all and this is proven by the fact that you can never find anyone to help you, you can never find them because they are hiding in back in fear of getting asked something they don't know the answer to...

 

 

SPEEDY defined by websters dictionary is quick, swift, effecient.

It shouldn't take 10 mins to find a bar code on a box. There are only six places it could be.... (a box is a cube, a cube has six sides and most boxes have 2 barcodes) - hurry, ring it up and put it in the bag!!!

Oh yeah and when I am checking out, I don't need to have my shopping list narrated or repeated back to me in play-by-play commentary style. I know what I am f*ing buying, just ring it up and put in the bag.

Another fine point to the speedy checkout - why is it that every checker that works that line is also a movie f*ing critic? I can't buy a movie and go through the speedy checkout line without hearing their Roger Ebert like review of the flick. Hey, mr 1/2 chromosome away from Downs, I don't need your enlightening synopsis of ant bully (I don't really own that movie, it's just an example)... ring it up and put in the bag....

Ice cream - rule of f*ing thumb, if someone is buying ice cream and by the time they check out it's more like soup, open another damn check out line! Hurry up, ring it up and put in the bag!

I am not your friend, I am a customer, don't ask me how my day is, it was going great until I got into f*ing walmart... it will be great again once I am f*ing out of walmart, so help me have a good f*ing day, stop talking, do your job, Ring it up and put it in the BAG!!!!!

One day I will be on CNN - Man goes crazy dealing with checker in the speedy checkout line at walmart, can't stop muttering the words, "ring it up and put it in the bag" - story at 11...

 

Not really....

 

But next time you are in walmart go to the speedy checkout line, find someone in a 20 items or less line and a regular line who is the same amount of people back as you are and make it a little race.. I bet 8 out of 10 times they are done before you!!!

Tell them - "just ring it up and put it in the bag!"

And if anyone who reads this works at WALMART shut the f up, no one want's to talk to you, do your job, ring it up and put it in the f*ing bag!

but I really am a nice guy!